As a family, we stood at the Cape Town International Airport on a chilly winter’s evening in June 2009. We gave those around us one last hug before going through the security gates.
Apart from the ‘one last hug’ being significant in that we would not see some of those dear folk ever again, it was significant in that we were saying good bye not only to individuals but to an entire community, an entire support network of friends and family members.
We were bidding farewell to the best babysitters (last minute availability and always free of charge) – Ouma’s (Grannies) and Oupa’s (Grandpa’s); not to mention Aunties and Uncles. We were farewelling some of of the closest friends our kids would ever have – cousins!
Fellow immigrant, do you know what I’m talking about?
Do you long to be able to just ‘drop the kids off’ at Ma or Pa’s house because you need a breather.
Have you forgotten what it is to go on a ‘date’ with your husband or wife, or to pop in at your ‘bestie’s’ place for quick cuppa and chat.
What about moving house? Your ‘manskappe’ (mates) would quickly organise a couple of ‘ouens’ (guys) with ‘bakkies’ (utes) and your stuff would be moved in no time. Now, however, it’s different. You need to get the professionals in for the most menial of tasks, because those usual support networks were left behind when you said goodbye at the airport.
Of course, all is not lost. There are awesome new friends to be made (not forgetting the old); there are ‘adopted’ family members who, while they can never replace your blood relations back home, are as willing to connect with you as you are with them.
What steps are you taking to make new acquaintances? Some practical suggestions may include things like:
Taking a hike.
Getting involved in a sport or activity club/Joining a gym
Finding a church or religious community.
Joining a book club.
Volunteering in your community.
Talking to your neighbours.
Walking your dog.
Reaching out on Facebook or other social media.
Going to a cultural event.
Hanging out at the local attractions (museum, park, beach, café, etc)
Visiting your local farmer's market.
Checking out your local community/neighbourhood centre.
Of course, some may find this easier said than done. Are you finding yourself struggling to pluck up the courage to ‘get out there’, or perhaps you did try reaching out to others but things didn’t quite pan out the way you had hoped. This has left you feeling rejected, dejected and hesitant to try again.
If you could do with someone to talk to who’s been there, then do make contact with Samway Counselling Services today. We’d love to hear from you and journey together with you in working through some of those feelings and perhaps navigate ways around some of those hurdles preventing you from settling.
