When the Well Runs Dry: Recognising and Restoring Yourself from Compassion Fatigue

Have you noticed it lately—the quiet dullness where compassion used to flow freely? You still care, of course. You still listen, hold space, and show up. But something feels… thinner. The well you draw from each day feels low, and you’re running on fumes.

If you’re a counsellor, pastor, nurse, social worker—or simply someone who gives deeply—you may know this space all too well. It’s called compassion fatigue, and it’s not a personal failure. It’s a natural cost of caring.

What Is Compassion Fatigue?

Compassion fatigue, was expanded and popularised by trauma researcher Charles Figley (1995), who described it as “the cost of caring” for those in helping professions. It refers to the emotional and physical exhaustion that can develop from chronic exposure to others’ suffering. It’s the “cost of caring” that can leave us feeling detached, numb, or cynical, despite our best intentions.

Over time, repeated empathy without replenishment can lead to burnout, vicarious trauma, and even a loss of meaning in the work we once loved. It’s the shadow side of empathy—the part that whispers, I can’t do this anymore.

How It Creeps In

It often starts quietly:

• You find yourself less patient with clients.

• You dread sessions you once looked forward to.

• You start feeling emotionally flat after a day’s work.

• You carry your clients’ stories home, replaying them in the shower or before sleep.

Research shows that high empathy, poor boundaries, and heavy caseloads increase the risk (Figley, 2002; Stamm, 2010). But it’s not only workload—it’s unprocessed emotional residue that builds up session by session, story by story.

Why It Matters

Left unaddressed, compassion fatigue can cloud judgment, erode empathy, and even lead to ethical slips. But perhaps most heartbreakingly—it steals joy. It drains the sense of calling that brought us into this work. The good news? Recovery is absolutely possible. Compassion fatigue is reversible when met with awareness, care, and intentional rest.

Restoring the Helper Within

Here are a few evidence-based ways to refill the well:

1. Name it without shame.

   Awareness is the first step toward healing. Simply acknowledging “I’m experiencing compassion fatigue” moves it from the shadows into light.

   
   

2. Create emotional boundaries.

   Remind yourself that empathy does not mean absorption. Techniques such as mindfulness, brief grounding between sessions, and reflective supervision can help separate your experience from your client’s.

   
   

3. Replenish through connection.

   Peer supervision and collegial support have been shown to buffer against compassion fatigue (Thompson et al., 2014). Talk to people who “get it.” It reminds you that you’re not alone.

   
   

4. Re-engage your values.

   Return to why you do what you do. Journaling or prayerful reflection can help reconnect your professional purpose to your deeper sense of meaning.

   
   

5. Tend to the body that carries the heart.

   Exercise, hydration, proper sleep—basic, yes, but profoundly protective. Compassion fatigue lives in the body as much as the mind.

   
   

6. Seek supervision and, if needed, therapy.

   Even counsellors need counsellors. We cannot pour from an empty cup, nor should we try.

A Gentle Reminder

You entered this profession because you care. That same compassion deserves to be turned inward now. Self-care isn’t indulgence—it’s stewardship. The world needs helpers who are whole, rested, and grounded.

As we approach the year’s end, maybe it’s time to pause, breathe, and whisper grace over yourself.

You have carried much. You have given much. It’s okay to rest now.

References

• Figley, C. R. (1995). Compassion Fatigue: Coping with Secondary Traumatic Stress Disorder in Those Who Treat the Traumatized.

• Stamm, B. H. (2010). The Concise ProQOL Manual (2nd ed.). Pocatello, ID: ProQOL.org.

• Thompson, I. A., Amatea, E. S., & Thompson, E. S. (2014). Personal and contextual predictors of mental health counselors’ compassion fatigue and burnout. Journal of Mental Health Counseling, 36(1), 58–77.

How to Ground Yourself When You Feel Overwhelmed by Anxiety

Have you ever felt so anxious that your mind was racing, your heart pounding, and everything around you felt far away?

That’s what overwhelm does. It hijacks your nervous system and disconnects you from the present moment.

Grounding is a practical way to come back to yourself. It won’t make the anxiety magically disappear—but it can anchor you in the here and now, so you can breathe, think, and move forward.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help.

Step 1: Notice the Signs of Overwhelm

Start by recognising what’s happening. Anxiety often shows up as:

• Racing thoughts

• Tight chest or shallow breathing

• Feeling disconnected or “not here”

• Numbness or tingling

• Sweaty palms or a knot in your stomach

Once you name it, you can begin to tame it.

Step 2: Say to Yourself, “I’m Safe Right Now”

Your body needs reassurance.

Try placing your hand on your chest and saying gently:

“I’m safe. I’m okay. I can get through this.”

Even if it feels mechanical at first, this simple statement can begin to calm your nervous system.

Step 3: Use the 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique

This sensory-based tool brings you back into the present by tuning into your environment:

• 5 things you can see (Look around the room or out a window)

• 4 things you can feel (The chair under you, your feet on the ground, fabric on your skin)

• 3 things you can hear (Traffic, birds, a ticking clock)

• 2 things you can smell (Your shirt, tea, essential oil)

• 1 thing you can taste (A mint, water, gum)

Move slowly through each sense. Breathe as you go.

Step 4: Ground Through Your Body

Anxiety lives in the body, so use your body to settle it.

Try any of the following:

• Stretch – Raise your arms high and take a deep breath.

• Stamp – Press your feet firmly into the ground.

• Hold – Squeeze a grounding object (stone, coin, textured item).

• Press – Push your palms together or against a wall.

These actions remind your body that you are here, now—and safe.

Step 5: Focus on the Breath

Breathing is the fastest way to signal safety to your brain.

Try this simple Box Breathing technique:

Inhale for 4 seconds

Hold for 4 seconds

Exhale for 4 seconds

Hold for 4 seconds

(Repeat 3–5 times)

Imagine tracing the sides of a square as you breathe.

Step 6: Reflect Gently

Once the intensity has passed, check in with yourself.

• What do I need right now?

• Is there someone I can talk to?

• What’s one small step I can take?

Write it down if it helps. Don’t pressure yourself for big answers. Just focus on one gentle step forward.

For Those with a Faith Background

If faith is part of your life, you might find grounding through short prayers, scripture, or sacred rhythms. Even whispering a verse like “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10) can create a moment of stillness and connection. Repeating a comforting line or simply pausing to breathe in God’s presence can become an anchor during anxious moments. This isn’t about performance—it’s about presence.

When to Use Grounding

Grounding can help:

• When you feel anxious or panicky

• After a tough conversation or situation

• Before bed if your thoughts are racing

• During a triggering memory

• When you feel emotionally “numb” or disconnected

Final Thought

You don’t need to wait for a crisis to ground yourself. The more you practise, the easier it becomes to access calm when you need it most.

Grounding isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom. It’s one way to say: I’m choosing peace, even when feels uncertain.

Need more support?

At Samway Consulting (formerly Samway Counselling Services), we support people just like you learn to manage anxiety, find clarity, and feel more steady in daily life.

Reach out today for confidential counselling, or explore our resources to support your mental health journey.

Visit www.samwaycounselling.com.au

When the Mirror Lies: A Reflection on Self-Esteem in Men

You’d never know it from the outside.

He’s the guy who turns up. Provides for his family. Makes people laugh. Keeps pushing through.

But behind the quiet nods and half-smiles, there’s a different story playing out—a voice inside whispering, “You’re not enough.”

Self-esteem in men often goes unnoticed. It doesn’t always look like sadness. It can wear the face of silence, perfectionism, overwork, or even anger.

For many men, it’s not about wanting to be better—it’s about believing deep down that they’re not good enough.

Where did that voice begin? Was it a careless comment from a father? The ache of always being picked last? The silent shame of not living up to someone else’s expectations?

Whatever the story, low self-esteem steals joy, erodes relationships, and builds walls where bridges should be.

Here’s the truth:

• You are more than your past.

• More than your mistakes.

• More than your job title.

  
  

Rebuilding self-esteem starts when you stop listening to the lies and start talking back—with truth, with courage, with help.

Reflection

• What standards have you been holding yourself to that might not be fair or realistic?

• Whose voice have you let define your worth?

You don’t have to walk this alone. At Samway Consulting (formerly Samway Counselling Services), I work with men who are ready to untangle the knots of low self-worth and discover who they really are—beyond the noise.